I like this list about what happens when adults look for and start finding good things in what teens do:
- You reset your brain to look for positive behaviors (which means you'll notice them more).
- You send the message to the teen that they CAN do things right, which makes them want to try even more.
- You reinforce the behavior you like, which is more effective at inspiring change than criticizing the behavior you don't like.
- You feel good, the teen feels good, and everyone working with the teen feels good.
I believe in the Stoic philosophy of the idea that "it is how you respond" to situations that truly matters. Most commonly attributed to Epictetus, he emphasized that while we cannot control external events, we can always control our reactions to them. The idiom that “it is more easily said than done” comes to mind when there are a lot of emotions. Last week had a lot of emotions. All weeks tend to have a lot of emotions.
With a negatively biased brain (see September 23rd’s Blog), it is hard to look for the good. This is being a human and a parent and a teacher. This built-in bias to see what is not working, what needs fixing, helps us avoid “falling into pits by looking out for potholes.” It helps us guide and train and coach our children. It helps us prepare them for their own futures as they learn and grow. But another idiom also comes to mind: “we do not live in a vacuum.”
No matter the preparation, the training, the knowledge, the skills, the capacity one has to support teenagers, they have to experience the situations themselves. They do not live in a vacuum, and those outside influences of which they have no control will affect them. So as their guides and coaches, it is our responsibility to shape how they experience those influences.
Hidden Brain is a podcast that includes “My Unsung Hero.” Kimberly Godsey’s story (HERE) is about her hero, Dr. Joe Siebert. The story goes that he and Kimberly were diagnosing one of their patients and found that this woman had pancreatic cancer. Instead of giving her this news alone, Dr. Siebert instead invited her husband to join her and them another day where he could give the news to them together. He told Kimberly, “We can’t save every life, but we can sure change how they experience it.”
At Spectrum Middle School, there are teachers and students, classrooms and classes. It is like most schools around the state of Minnesota. But after last week with a lot of emotions, anticipating another week with a lot of emotions, SMS will continue to look for the ways we can positively change how we all experience these days called “middle school.”
Weeks at a Glance
- Wednesday, February 19 - Student-athletic Eligibility Suspensions
- Monday, February 24 - No School: Teacher Professional Development Day
- Tuesday, February 25 - Spectrum Enrollment Lottery