Events from last week have me considering when someone receives a “No” as an answer.
Think about it. Really consider when you have received this two-letter word. How often does that happen? What is your history with it? When were you told "No"? Where were you, and what was the context of the situation? Was it at work, said from a superior or a colleague, or was it said from one of your parents, from your child, from a friend, from your partner? Did it motivate you to keep trying to improve, to work to change the situation in order to receive a "Yes"? Did the "No" make you more determined, to not take no for an answer, or did you accept it?
Talking to a couple of high school parents, they were relaying how college applications were going. Among the applications, there was a "No"; he was not accepted. Also just a couple weeks ago, there were a number of middle-school students who requested schedule changes for the second semester. They were told "No" as the middle school does not make schedule changes without some sort of significant reason. "No" was said to a few families who were informed that their child did not qualify for a 504 Plan. And in about a month, there will be families that applied to attend Spectrum in the fall, but the lottery results will not be the good news they are hoping for, and they will not be offered placement. Instead their name will be added to the grade level’s Waitlist. These are recent situations where people have been told “No.”
These are examples where motivation and determination and trying again are not possible. It is not a “No” that could also mean “Not yet.” It is a “No” that means “No, this is not going to happen." The college will not offer acceptance if another application is sent; the second semester is underway, so there is no going back to change the schedule; unless a different life-altering event occurs, the criteria to receive a 504 Plan will remain the same; and while the names on the Waitlist will eventually start to shift to one day having the possibility of being given an enrollment offer, at this time, different plans need to be made with regard to attending Spectrum.
So I am considering "No." I am pondering if it is clear when there should be acceptance and when there should be perseverance. Is it contextual or personal? Can it possibly be both? Why do some people accept the "No" in certain circumstances while others in the same circumstances do not? Why do some contexts tend to elicit determination more often than others? Recent events are making me pause and reflect.
In my leadership role, when I have to say "No," I have come to prepare as much information as possible to address both the context and the person. The preparation is to have as much information as possible to guide the conversation, to empower the person in that context to decide if it is worth another attempt or if it is better to (hopefully learn from it and) move forward in a different way.
This new week has me still contemplating “No.” I believe that if my approach is collaborative and my thinking is curious then when at least that I give my “No,” it is going to be all right.
Weeks at a Glance
- Monday, January 27 - Friday, January 31: Snow Daze, Winter Celebration
- Friday, January 31: Early Release Schedule for Snow Daze Pepfest
- Friday, January 31: Final day for submission to be considered for the Lottery