I always have had good conversations with you, Spectrum parents/guardians. Even at the times when there have been disagreements going into the meeting, the conversations have gone well in the end. I attribute this to all of us wanting what is best for the child and that we listen/everyone feels heard. Everyone has a chance to speak, to be understood, so we all feel valued.
One of the biggest conflicts between parents and their child is that the child does not feel heard. This often happens because there is misunderstanding. Teenagers process and perceive things differently than adults.
I can relate to this as there are often misunderstandings in my conversations with students. Doctor Cameron Caswell is an adolescent psychologist and parent coach (askdrcam.com/counseling). She coincidentally wrote a post recently about this, which I will share with you as a good reminder about the unique differences with these young people.
Dr. Cam highlights 12 Key Differences:
- Impulsivity. Teens are at the mercy of extreme impulses, making it difficult to delay gratification and inhibit reward-seeking, especially in the "heat of the moment."
- Empathy. An underdeveloped sense of remorse and inability to tell when someone is upset means teens don't always realize when they're being hurtful.
- Judgment. Because they are led by their emotions, teens can't always discern between good and bad choices. And that to their impulsivity.
- Embarrassment. Teens have a heightened self-awareness and feel like the entire world is watching and judging them which is why they are easily embarrassed.
- Emotionality. The ability to regulate emotions isn't fully developed yet, which is why they can be happy one moment and in total despair the next.
- Rebelliousness. Teens are wired to seek independence and forge their own identity, which is why they are drawn to things that shock and upset us.
- Risk-taking. Teens have a hyperactive reward system and a strong need for stimulation. This craving can override their ability to gauge risk and predict the consequences of their actions.
- Stress. Teens have an exaggerated stress response, which makes them more susceptible to it than adults. Often, what comes across as disrespect or laziness is actually a sign of stress.
- Learning. The teen brain is going through a massive growth spurt which creates a window of opportunity to hard-wire new skills, knowledge, and habits.
- Memory. Short-term memory increases approx. 30% but neural connections are slower, which makes multi-tasking very difficult. If you want your teen to do something, ask for one thing at a time.
- Sleep. Teen circadian rhythms are set later than adults, which is why it's difficult for them to get up early and they like to go to bed late. They also need about 2 more hours of sleep than adults.
- Information processing. Brain connections aren't fully developed yet, so it takes longer for teens to process information. A blank stare is a sign their brain is still buffering--so be patient and give them more time to think.
She concludes that “the important thing to note is that the adolescent years are the prime time to DEVELOP these skills. They are going to be BAD at first. The only way to get good at something is to practice it.”
Lynn Sommerstad, Dean of Students, Alexis Peterson, middle-school counselor, and I are right there with you! Daily we work to create opportunities for your child to hone these skills without fear or anxiety. Many times there are consequences, but they are a part of the learning. Through conversations that help with processing through the incident and being mindful of these differences, we avoid misunderstandings. This enables the teenager to grow and have positive outcomes rather than dwell or get lost in negative repercussions.
Weeks at a Glance
- Thursday, March 7 - Parent Teacher Conferences: 3:00-4:30 pm and 5:00-6:30 pm
- Tuesday, March 12 - Parent Teacher Conferences: 3:00-4:30 pm and 5:00-6:30 pm
- Thursday, March 14 - Final Information/Tour Night Session @ 5:30 pm
- Friday, March 15 - Sunday, March 17 - Spectrum Theater Presents Freaky Friday @ the high school