I went to a junior high school – “middle schools” were not in existence yet – and it was an early autumn day. I was a part of the school’s soccer team, having just completed a practice after school, so I was hot and sweaty and heading out to catch my bus home. It was one of those days where gnats and mosquitoes are still present and literally in your face. I was still new to the junior high level with so many students in my grade and two other grades, multiple classes, multiple teachers. I only knew a few students, mainly those on my team or in my classes. I did not know any upperclassmen, so I was more than surprised when two ninth graders also literally got in my face.
“I heard you were talking about my mom!”
“Huh?”
“Why are you saying things about my mother?!”
“I don’t know your mother. …who are you again?”
As this engagement transpired, he got closer and closer to me, forcing me to back up with each question. I am pretty sure I did not know what personal space was at the time, but he was definitely in mine. So while I tried to comprehend his line of questioning, I struggled to keep my distance. Little did I know that his buddy had gotten down on all fours behind me. While I retreated and was focused on what was happening in front of me, I failed to see the rest of my surroundings. I backed up, stumbled into and then over the person behind me, falling hard onto the concrete sidewalk. Needless to say, I was extremely embarrassed as I lay on the ground, others joining in with these two boys’ laughter at my being the target of their joke.
October is National Bullying Prevention month. An unfortunate universal Truth is everyone experiences something beyond teasing in the tween/teenage years. Sometime around 4th or 5th grade and lasting mainly through 8th or 9th grade, humans seem to find pleasure in someone else’s discomfort. It starts as teasing, joking, or ribbing – whatever the latest jargon is around this kind of action – this is where everyone has been a recipient as well as the deliverer. Over and over again I hear, “We were just joking; we are friends,” as justification for behavior that crosses beyond just teasing. But when does that line get crossed? When is it too much? When does it become mean, cruel, bullying?
Our Student/Family Handbook defines bullying as “intimidating, threatening, abusive, or harmful conduct that is objectively offensive and there is an actual or perceived imbalance of power…and the pattern [of behavior] is repeated or forms a pattern; or materially and substantially interferes with a student’s educational opportunities….” Under the Definitions, it continues to try and clarify the line and when it has been crossed. It provides expectations for everyone it touches. It provides an investigation timeline, a process, and the consequences.
I write frequently about collaborating at Spectrum Middle School. I believe that when people are positively engaged and working together to achieve a positive outcome, the greater the learning community is for everyone. Time and time again I see this come to fruition: when those involved collaborate, the outcome is better than when those involved do not work toward the same positive outcome, when the situation is handled differently or without all stakeholders.
The boys who thought they would have a little fun at my expense were bullying me. Fortunately it was a one-time event, causing me more mental and emotional problems because of what-might occur than what actually did. Reflecting on it all these years later, I see that these were boys just like I was. They needed support just like I did. They needed the school to provide a place to belong, a place they could learn and grow, a place that would teach and redirect them when bullying behaviors were present. Especially in middle school, we need the events that happend to all be possible learning opportunities. If we are to prevent bullying beyond just this month, we need to communicate and support everyone involved (those who bully, those who are bullied, parents of the bully, parents of those who are bullied). Only by collaborating can prevention actually stop bullying from happening.
Weeks at a Glance
- Thursday, October 19 - Friday, October 20: No School, Minnesota Education Association Conference